dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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