Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
