Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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