I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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