Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
