oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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