I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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