both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
