there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
