Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
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billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
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Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?