And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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