so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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