i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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