How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
we're making bets on your personal life
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I need a beard to bite.
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