Ambien. No doubt about it.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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