She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
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He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
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Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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