I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
