Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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