awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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