i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
