then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
