just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
