just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
