I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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