Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
