i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
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