Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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