I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
