Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
