Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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