i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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