Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
