I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
