im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize