First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
