I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
