i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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