I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
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Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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