I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i wish my penis had a tongue
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
