he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
