Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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