apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
