shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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