Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
