oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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