A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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