How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
someone owes me an orgasm
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
