im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
