At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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