Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Dick very happy bro
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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