: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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