Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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