Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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