vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
