Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
